


I’m Here, I’m Okay

by blueeyedmasterpiece



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Depressing Thoughts, Genderfluid Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5796574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueeyedmasterpiece/pseuds/blueeyedmasterpiece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you just want things to work out for once and life decides, you know what, let’s not do that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m Here, I’m Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so before you read this, this is almost all based off things that’s happened to me. I’m genderfluid and the only people who’ve called me by my pronouns when I tell them is my friends, so I do become very depressed a lot when I’m stuck at home. I just wrote this to feel better.
> 
> PS I wrote this when I thought I was genderfluid, but I am now a trans male. Everything is still based off my emotions and experiences.

It was one of those days again.

Sean woke up and his brain wanted everything to go away. Everything felt like it was too much, but he knew he’d have to get up, would have to go to work. He slipped out of bed as soon as he started to hear the guy above him start up his treadmill. Sean covered his ears as he heard the elderly woman that lived two doors down start to yell, which would make her old dog start to bark.

He tried to quickly get to the bathroom, but his right leg, which had started to give off dull pains that only got worse, refused him to move too quick. He just kept his hands over his ears as he limped to the bathroom and uncovered them after he closed the door, sat on the edge of the bathtub as he started the water to warm up.

His hair was too long as he bathed, felt certain parts of his body that made him feel so wrong as water washed away the sleepy grime. He wanted to cut his hair after high school, but his mother said what he wanted was too short, and chose a shoulder length for him instead. Now it had grown out again and his mother visited him too much for him to get it cut short.

(The only good thing was his friend he kept after high school, Adam, who kept in touch with him more often than Sean’s own mother. They were Sean’s solid ground recently, their talks at midnight made Sean stay alive a little longer. They liked to surprise Sean often, either showing up one day to hang out or sending a gift to Sean so that it made Sean feel better. Recently it had been a binder so Sean could wear it on the days he felt more male than female or neither.)

Sean got out of the shower and dried his body and hair before he threw it into a towel. He walked to his room naked and laid on the bed for a while before he got back up and rummaged for his khakis and work shirt. He found his binder and put it on, the fabric against his skin made him smile. He threw his khakis and work shirt on the bed when he found them on the floor and looked for underwear.

“God dammit, I forgot to do laundry again,” Sean growled as he finally found a clean pair in a basket of clothes, quickly put them on as he heard his phone vibrate from his night stand. It was from his coworker and new friend Bruce, the secret little heart by his name making Sean blush. He called back as he stared at his khakis and decided to just wear jeans and deal with his boss’s huge fit.

“Hey.”

“Sean, hey! Do you need me to pick you up for work?” Bruce’s voice was too chirpy, his positive mood made Sean’s head hurt again.

“Uh, nah, you don’t have to.”

“Oh, well I’m already headed that way, so I’m going to anyways.”

“Bruce…”

“Hey, don’t use that tone with me! Lawrence has been sick and I know he can’t pick you up.”

“I can walk.”

Bruce laughed and Sean smiled. “You can’t walk, Sean, you’d get hurt!”

“Okay, okay, thanks for taking the time to pick me up Bruce,” Sean sighed, knew Bruce had a huge smile on his face.

“No problem, I’ll be there soon.”

Sean hung up before he could say anything he’d regret, tossed his phone on his bed. He got some jeans from the basket of clothes and slipped them on. They were the form fitted ones he didn’t wear often, poked at his hip in distaste as it stuck out a bit from his jeans. He shook the fog from his head and grabbed his shirt, slipped it over his towel hat in the best way and it fell out when he finally got his shirt on. His hair fell in his face and he held back tears as he pulled the towel completely off and put it on the floor. He took a quick stride back to the bathroom and ignored the pain in his leg, started to tuck in his shirt in as he looked in the mirror and saw the dark circles under his eyes. He shook his head and opened the drawer to get his blow dryer, plugged it into the wall and sat it down to get the brush and dig out the tangles from his hair.

He heard a soft shrill of a scream and something bang against a wall. He flinched and heard a laugh, the laugh of a man who scared Sean even though he didn’t know who it was. He wish he knew which room it was so he could give the guy a piece of his mind, but Sean was too scared and he let it happen each time. He was a horrible person for not doing something and he hated it, hated it more that no one else did anything either. He continued to brush his hair and then turned on the blow dryer to drown out the noise, looked at the floor as his hair dried. It soon enough stopped and Sean finished drying his hair, ignored the scars that seemed to hurt each time he heard the commotion. He turned off the blow dryer and unplugged it, didn’t waste his time to put it back into the drawer. He opened the top drawer and grabbed a band to put in his hair, pulled his hair up to put it in a messy bun. He finished as soon as he heard a knock on his door, bit into his bottom lip and waited for another set of knocks before he went to answer it. He unlocked the door and opened it to see Bruce, his goofy smile plastered on his face as he waved.

“You ready?” Bruce asked and Sean shook his head, waved Bruce to walk into his apartment as he went to get his shoes. Bruce followed him and looked around the house, looked at the papers and canvases that were on the walls, but were blank or unfinished. Sean ignored them, had got used to seeing them unfinished.

“Are you an artist?”

“I wish. I tried it, couldn’t keep up with it though.”

Bruce nodded as he followed Sean into his bedroom and stopped in the doorway, waited as Sean grabbed some socks and pulled them on before he put on his shoes.

“Is today a, uh, is it..?” Bruce stammered, wanted to word it right.

“It’s a HE day, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sean said plainly, tied his shoes as Bruce whispered “oh”.

“I’m sorry I ask everyday, I just…”

“Bruce,” Sean put his hand up to tell Bruce to stop talking, stood to join him at the doorway, “I don’t mind, I’m glad you want to use the right pronouns and not just assume. Trust me, the thought means a lot.”

Bruce began to smile again and moved so Sean could lead the way, bumped into him as Sean remembered his phone. Sean slipped past Bruce and went back to his room to grab it, seeing his wallet on the dresser and decided to grab that too. He met back with Bruce in the front room and smiled weakly, grabbed his keys from the counter and tried not beat himself up for taking too long and not eating breakfast.

“You ready?” Bruce asked softly and Sean nodded, ignored the pain in his stomach.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Sean locked his door as they left and stuffed his keys in his front pocket, cursed at companies for small pockets in jeans that fit him. He followed Bruce down the stairs and ignored the pain that screamed at him in his leg.

He waved at his neighbor James, who was walking his dog Benson outside, before he got into Bruce’s car and hoped today would get better.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr.


End file.
